ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
- WE SPEND FIVE DAYS A YEAR SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING TO WATCH ON TV
And enough with the backstory!
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- KRYPTO, THE SUPER DOG, STEALS THE SUPERMAN TRAILER
Krypto, stop that!
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- JELLY ROLL THROWS PHONE IN RIVER, WANTS NO PHONE CALLS
Try semaphore.
- 25 FILMS ADDED TO NATIONAL FILM REGISTRY
In a world.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- ELON MUSK FIRST TO REACH $400 BILLION, YAY!
And all it took was a little hard work.
- THE MISTAKES STUPID PEOPLE MAKE WHEN GOING TO DISNEY PARKS
Operation Overlord.
- KING CHARLES: MOM WORE HER CROWN GIVING US A BATH
The bubble bath queen.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
U.S. NEWS
- WANT TO WORK FOR GOOGLE? YOU NEED GOOGLEYNESS
Great googly moogly.
- OHIO FUNERAL HOME WANTS TO START SELLING BOOZE
Fun home.
- SUSPECT ASKS IF HE CAN KEEP GAMBLING TO MAKE BAIL MONEY
It was a long shot, but he took it.
- FIRST CLASS PASSENGER DOWNGRADED FOR A DOG
Barkin' mad.
- NYC DOESN'T LIKE PIZZERIA'S SOLUTION TO OUTDOOR DINING: A SCHOOL BUS
You don't want to give restaurants any ideas.
- PARTY CITY GOING OUT OF BUSINESS
Party pooped.
- WOMAN WINS, THEN LOSES TOILET PAPER FOR A YEAR
Charmin'.
- PORCH PIRATE: "C'MON, THAT'S MY ASS ON THE INTERNET"
And you think we like looking at it?
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
- THE PLOT TO VOODOO ZAMBIA'S PRESIDENT
This could be a Cohen brothers movie.
- BRITISH WOMAN WAKES UP FROM STROKE WITH AN ITALIAN ACCENT
Che bello!
- SHARK COMES OUT OF WATER, GRABS CROCODILE ON AUSTRALIAN BEACH
Australia, land of wonder.
- GOOGLE STREET VIEW CATCHES MAN LOADING BODY INTO HIS TRUNK
That's good police work there, Google.
- FOR SALE: RUSSIAN SNOWMAN ARMS
присоскаs!
- JET MAKES UNPLANNED LANDING OVER UNBEARABLE PIG STENCH
Piiiiigs iiiinnn Caaarrrgoooo Spaaaaaace...
- JAPANESE COMPANY WANTS TO MAKE SPACE SAKE
Science!
THE BUZZ
- HOW TO GET RID OF A ONE-NIGHT STAND
Hello, you must be going.
- WHAT WOULD YOU PAY FOR A STRESS-FREE CHRISTMAS?
Money solves everything.
- HOW I IMPROVED MY LIFE THIS YEAR
It can be done.
- SURVEY: $10B SPENT ON GIFTS NO ONE WANTS
"This card certifies that I was thinking of buying you somethng, but didn't."
- DUMB HEADLINES
Closing out a dumb year with dumb headlines.
- FESTIVUS: THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES
I got a lot of problems with you people.
NEW MOVIES
- A COMPLETE UNKNOWN
Starts Wednesday, December 25 - Christmas Day.
- NOSFERATU
Starts Wednesday, December 25 - Christmas Day.
- BABYGIRL
Starts Wednesday, December 25 - Christmas Day.
- MUFASA: THE LION KING
Starts Friday, December 20 in theaters.
- SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3
Starts Friday, December 20 in theaters.
- KRAVEN THE HUNTER
Starts Friday, December 13 in theaters.
- LORD OF THE RINGS - THE WAR OF THE ROHIRRIM
Starts Friday, December 13 in theaters.
- THE TUESDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
Movies opening on Xmas Day. This is for TUESDAY, December 24!
- SONG: IT'S THE WORST TRAVELING TIME OF THE YEAR
You know the words - everybody sing!
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, December 20
- HARD-TO-STORE XMAS DECORATIONS
Better rent a storage unit.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use show bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Week Before Christmas
It's not Christmas joy that has Big Al all choked up.
- SONG: MOMMY YELLS
It's Christmastime in the family.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, December 13.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - Christmas Trees
Big Al wants A & M to branch out into the tree business.
- SANTA NINJA WARRIOR
Up on the housetop, clomp clomp clomp.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, December 6.
- CHRISTMAS CLAPPER
Eco-friendly!
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use show bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Thesaurus Sale
Al and Mike - big words ... small brains.
- SONG: PERVY SANTA AT THE MALL
Starting off the season with a classic!