In DeKalb, Illinois, a man was stabbed with a butter knife during an argument over peanut butter and jelly. A witness told police that Javaughn Owens, 23, and another man were arguing over peanut butter because, according to the police report, “someone left peanut butter and jelly on the counter.” The witness said she tried to put herself between the two men to de-escalate the argument, but Owens pulled out a butter knife and “swung it over her shoulder,” striking the other man. The victim was treated for five (* FIVE!??) stab wounds. Owens has been charged with first-degree attempted murder. He was on probation for a different crime at the time of the stabbing. If convicted, Owens could face up to 30 years in prison.
* That is, if the charges stick. To the roof of his mouth.
* 30 years. That ain’t peanuts.
* Guy sounds nutty.
* What was the argument about? Smooth vs. Chunky?
* Well HE certainly won’t be out in a Jif.
* Could have been worse. Could have been shish kebab.