ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- THIS SURELY WILL BRING PEOPLE BACK TO THE MOVIE THEATERS
Yes, it will. And don't call me Shirley.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- SEXY BIKINI PICS OF CELEBS MISSING FROM SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
Police are looking closely into it.
- MR. BEAST REALITY GAME SHOW SUED BEFORE IT GETS ON THE AIR
The price is wrong.
- DAVID LETTERMAN CALLED, PASSED OVER FOR JURY DUTY
Our next foreman needs no introduction.
- DIDDY: THE CHARGES
Beat the rap.
- REO SPEEDWAGON PACKS IT IN AFTER 50 OR MAYBE 60 YEARS
Time for them to fly.
- EMMY WINNERS LIST
Hacks?
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- BEN & JERRY'S KAMALA ICE CREAM
We all scream.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
U.S. NEWS
- NAVY SEAL WORKOUT WIPES OUT COLLEGE LACROSSE TEAM
Cradle! Cradle!
- NASA CONTEST TO HELP MOON ASTRONAUTS
Remember, kids, no idea is too crazy.
- AUDIO: OCTOMOM IS A GRANDMA
First of many, we can assume.
- SAN FRANCISCO TRAFFIC COPS DRESS AS CHICKENS
How do I get into this chicken outfit?
- BRAIN SURGEON SAW HEAVEN: ORBS OF GOLDEN LIGHT, AND FRIED CHICKEN
With two sides and a biscuit?
- DEFECTIVE BEDS RECALLED
Hit the hay. Don't let the hay hit you.
- COP ROBOT CATCHES SUSPECT
Stay out of trouble, kids.
- THE RATTIEST CITIES
Rats off to you!
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
- TWO MEN WITH SAME NAME GO ON CRIME SPREE
No, not John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt.
- MOUSE POPS OUT OF AIRLINE MEAL
You should have had the lasagna.
- RUSSIA ENCOURAGES SEX AT WORK
They need the babies.
- THAI WOMAN RESCUED FROM PYTHON
Something's in the kitchen with Dinah.
- MAYORAL CANDIDATE HITS RIVAL WITH CHAIR DURING DEBATE
Debate: a process that involves formal discourse and discussion.
- NUDISTS GO ON SIX-DAY TANDEM BIKE RIDE
Schwinnnnnn...g!
- PETA GOES AFTER PALACE GUARD HATS
A turban would be kinda cool.
THE BUZZ
- IT'S HARD TO BE BEAUTIFUL
Man, don't I know it.
- MEN'S BRAINS SHRINK AT NIGHT
Well, one guy's, anyway.
- MY PHOBIA
What weird thing triggers you?
- MY STRANGE(R) EXPERIENCE
Stranger things have happened.
- DUMB HEADLINES
Discuss, decide.
- SCIENCE: HUMAN & DOG BRAINS SYNC UP, AND DOGS BE TRIPPIN'
I can see colors!
NEW MOVIES
- TRANSFORMERS ONE
Starts Friday, September 20 in theaters.
- NEVER LET GO
Starts Friday, September 20 in theaters.
- SPEAK NO EVIL
Starts Friday, September 13 in theaters.
- THE KILLER'S GAME
Starts Friday, September 13 in theaters.
- BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE
Starts Friday, September 6 in theaters.
- THE FRONT ROOM
Starts Friday, September 6 in theaters.
- THE THICKET
Starts Friday, September 6 in theaters.
- SLINGSHOT
Starts Friday, August 30 in theaters.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 20.
- OKTOBERFEST - THE WAKING SONG
Wake! Wake! The weekend is here!
- SONG - OKTOBERFEST IS HERE
To kick off Oktoberfest.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced, ready-to-use bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Stock Numbers
At A & M, you'll almost always get a wrong number.
- HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - GREEN
The wacko candidate goes eco.
- BAD ACTORS AMENDMENT
A good bad political ad never goes out of style.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 13.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - No Reasonable Offer
Big Al gets an offer he can't refuse.
- PSYCHIC OPTOMETRIST
He sees all!
- HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - BETTER OFF
Are you better off than you were four years ago?
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, September 6.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Pre-produced ready-to-use bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Scratch And Dent Sale
Now more damaged cars than ever!
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, August 30.