This year’s first There’s-A-Spider-In-My-Ear story comes from Lucy Wild, of Cheshire, England, who thought the crackling in her ear was ear wax buildup. She stuck in an ear cleaner with an attached camera (* This exists?) and she saw a spider. After running around screaming for awhile trying to get it out, she called emergency services who told her to put warm olive oil in her ear, which drew it out. The spider was about 1-centimeter, the size of your small fingernail. But then, a pain persisted in her ear, and a doctor noticed the spider had built a nest in there. Wild said the procedure to remove the spider nest was painful, worse than childbirth.
* Wait’ll the eggs hatch, honey.
* Removing the nest was painful because they had to rip out all the itty-bitty carpets.
* For a minute there, she considered charging the spider rent, but spiders don’t use money, so that was just dumb.
* Animals usually go where the food is. What the hell is going on in this lady’s ears?
* Did they check her nose for termites?