ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
- JASON KELCE SLAMS FAN'S PHONE AFTER RUDE COMMENT
Hulk smash.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- OPRAH'S FAVORITE THINGS FOR 2024
The ball's in your court, Gwyneth Paltrow.
- SCENTED CANDLE SMELLS LIKE ODELL BECKHAM'S JOCKSTRAP
"Like bringing a piece of the locker room right into your living room."
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- TRAVIS KELCE CRITIQUES HIS OWN ACTING
Spot on.
- HIGHEST BOX OFFICE-EARNING ACTORS
Get me Samuel L. Jackson!
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- HALLMARK CHANNEL SUED FOR AGE DISCRIMINATION IN CASTING THEIR MOVIES
Yes, THIS will bring in the younger generation.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- LIAM NEESON WANTS TO QUIT ACTION MOVIES
No, god, no!
- CHICK-FIL-A TO LAUNCH STREAMING SERVICE
Matcluck.
U.S. NEWS
- NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ACCIDENTALLY BLESSED BY THE POPE
Saints be praised.
- LITTLE GIRL GETS $300,000 AFTER COUNTY FAIR KILLED HER PET GOAT
Somebody really got somebody's goat here.
- FOUR MEN STEAL SKI MASK
Knit wits.
- DIRTY DIAPERS CONVERTED TO ELECTRICITY
I Luvs this idea.
- NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ACCIDENTALLY BLESSED BY THE POPE
Oops, wrong saints.
- POTATOES GETTING HARDER TO GROW
Wise up, chip lovers.
- PORTA-POTTIES DROP ON HIGHWAY
Driver dropped a load.
- ENTIRE POLICE FORCE RESIGNS FROM SMALL OKLAHOMA TOWN
So nobody commit any crimes for a couple days, ok?
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
- JAPANESE BOYS NEED TO KISS MORE
Not each other!
- AIRLINE PASSENGERS HEAR BANGING MID-FLIGHT
And not from the bathroom, either.
- LAKE COMO AIR IN A CAN
And try new Diet Air in a Can.
- BRICK COLLECTION SEEKS MUSEUM
Like a ton of bricks.
- MEDICINE HAT, ALBERTA, NEEDS TO NAME THE PLOWS
Taylor Drift.
- CHEESE THIEF CAUGHT
Whey to go!
- RUSSIA FINES GOOGLE AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF MONEY
Word of the day: decillion
THE BUZZ
- AUDIO: A BIG RED FLAG
Danger Will Robinson.
- WASHINGTON, D.C. DRINKS THE MOST WINE
It's wine o'clock somewhere.
- OUTRAGEOUS WEDDING STORIES
Here comes the bride - look out!
- THE BEST $50 I EVER SPENT
A little can go a long way.
- KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS, STILL
Oh, those little scamps!
- DUMB HEADLINES
Some person (probably) wrote these.
NEW MOVIES
- HERETIC
Starts Friday, November 8 in theaters.
- THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER
Starts Friday, November 8 in theaters.
- ELEVATION
Starts Friday, November 8 in theaters.
- JUROR NUMBER 2
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- ABSOLUTION
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- HERE
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- VENOM - THE LAST DANCE
Starts Friday, October 25 in theaters.
- CONCLAVE
Starts Friday, October 25 in theaters.
- A & M AUTOLAND - Contest
Al and Mike won't play games with you like other car dealers. They'll play MORE.
- THE LIMP LINGUINI ENDLESS NOODLE
Sorry, only one to a customer.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, November 1.
- TRICK OR TROUT
The unexpected trick-or-treat!
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use pre-produced bumper donuts
- VAMPIRE FLEX TAPE
Don't leave the crypt without it!
- A & M AUTOLAND - Halloween Pumpkins
Al and Mike's new promotion isn't too bright - but the burning car is!
- SONG: IT'S ELECTION TIME
Halloween + Election = Comedy
- FIVE CHAMBERS OF HORROR - 2024
Pretty scary, eh, kids?
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 25.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - Free Inspection
Al and Mike try to hook you with their new offer.
- VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - BROWNIES
A sure-fire way to bring them to the polls.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 18.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use pre-produced bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Two Percent Sale
Big Al never quite got the hang of fractions and decimals.