A 26-year-old Saginaw, Michigan, man with a fetish for rough-running cars will avoid prison time and instead receive mental health and sex offender treatment, along with five years probation. Jordan Haskins was sentenced Monday, May 8, on eight felonies in two separate auto incidents for a fetish he refers to as “cranking.” The act entails stealing a car, and removing a vehicle’s spark plug wires to make the vehicle run roughly to help reach sexual self-gratification.
* Boy, have I got a car I’d like to sell him.
* Cranking, then yanking.
* Is this considered driving stick?
* “Sex offender”? Because the cars were under 18 years of age?
* When a Magic Fingers motel bed just won’t cut it.
* Two separate incidents? So he’s not even faithful to one car.
* This time, his lawyer got him off.
* It gets even kinkier. He also likes cars with leather interiors.
* You should have seen what he did on the mechanical bull.
* This has got “Reality show on the A&E Channel” written all over it.
* Then afterwards he can turn the cars over to one of those car restoration shows.
* The problem in many cities is that car theft is about like an overdue library book. They don’t even call it car theft anymore. It’s “unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.”
* Now here’s Queen with “I’m in Love with My Car”.