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TODAY IS ...
Anything special being celebrated or commemorated today? Find out here!
TODAY'S ALMANAC
Birthdays, Upcoming Holidays, This Day in History and Music
TODAY'S TRIVIA
Every installment of X-Treme Trivia Challenge includes three obscure facts.
ENTERTAINMENT & CELEBRITIES
- JASON KELCE SLAMS FAN'S PHONE AFTER RUDE COMMENT
Hulk smash.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- OPRAH'S FAVORITE THINGS FOR 2024
The ball's in your court, Gwyneth Paltrow.
- SCENTED CANDLE SMELLS LIKE ODELL BECKHAM'S JOCKSTRAP
"Like bringing a piece of the locker room right into your living room."
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- TRAVIS KELCE CRITIQUES HIS OWN ACTING
Spot on.
- HIGHEST BOX OFFICE-EARNING ACTORS
Get me Samuel L. Jackson!
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Monday through Wednesday
- HALLMARK CHANNEL SUED FOR AGE DISCRIMINATION IN CASTING THEIR MOVIES
Yes, THIS will bring in the younger generation.
- WHAT TO WATCH – New and Returning Shows and Movies
Premiering Thursday through Sunday
- LIAM NEESON WANTS TO QUIT ACTION MOVIES
No, god, no!
- CHICK-FIL-A TO LAUNCH STREAMING SERVICE
Matcluck.
U.S. NEWS
- POTATOES GETTING HARDER TO GROW
Wise up, chip lovers.
- PORTA-POTTIES DROP ON HIGHWAY
Driver dropped a load.
- ENTIRE POLICE FORCE RESIGNS FROM SMALL OKLAHOMA TOWN
So nobody commit any crimes for a couple days, ok?
- ELITE NYC SCHOOL GIVING KIDS OFF THE DAY AFTER ELECTION IF THEY FEEL "DISTRESSED"
Maybe it's time to stop thinking of the children.
- SURFER BITTEN BY SHARK AT SAME BEACH, 11 YEARS APART
So, the shark taps him on the shoulder and says...
- GAMBLING WOMAN COVERED IN SEWAGE
Jackplop!
- WAWA TUMBLERS RECALLED
How'd you like a bloody lip?
- BOEING MARKED UP SOAP DISPENSERS FOR AIR FORCE PLANES BY 7,943%
We'd better start keep an eye on this Boeing company.
INTERNATIONAL NEWS
- AIRLINE PASSENGERS HEAR BANGING MID-FLIGHT
And not from the bathroom, either.
- LAKE COMO AIR IN A CAN
And try new Diet Air in a Can.
- BRICK COLLECTION SEEKS MUSEUM
Like a ton of bricks.
- MEDICINE HAT, ALBERTA, NEEDS TO NAME THE PLOWS
Taylor Drift.
- CHEESE THIEF CAUGHT
Whey to go!
- RUSSIA FINES GOOGLE AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF MONEY
Word of the day: decillion
- FERRARI DEALER CHARGING $2.9M JUST TO GET ON THE LIST TO BUY A FERRARI
What price snobbery?
THE BUZZ
- WASHINGTON, D.C. DRINKS THE MOST WINE
It's wine o'clock somewhere.
- OUTRAGEOUS WEDDING STORIES
Here comes the bride - look out!
- THE BEST $50 I EVER SPENT
A little can go a long way.
- KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS, STILL
Oh, those little scamps!
- DUMB HEADLINES
Some person (probably) wrote these.
- AMERICA'S FAVORITE SANDWICHES
Spoiler: grilled cheese.
NEW MOVIES
- JUROR NUMBER 2
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- ABSOLUTION
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- HERE
Starts Friday, November 1 in theaters.
- VENOM - THE LAST DANCE
Starts Friday, October 25 in theaters.
- CONCLAVE
Starts Friday, October 25 in theaters.
- SMILE 2
Starts Friday, October 18 in theaters.
- WE LIVE IN TIME
Starts Friday, October 18 in theaters.
- SATURDAY NIGHT
Starts Friday, October 11 in theaters.
Click (don't right-click) on the title of any sound bite, and you'll go straight to a live mp3 player. Want to download the mp3? Right-click on the PLAYER to launch the "Save as" option.
- THE LIMP LINGUINI ENDLESS NOODLE
Sorry, only one to a customer.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, November 1.
- TRICK OR TROUT
The unexpected trick-or-treat!
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use pre-produced bumper donuts
- VAMPIRE FLEX TAPE
Don't leave the crypt without it!
- A & M AUTOLAND - Halloween Pumpkins
Al and Mike's new promotion isn't too bright - but the burning car is!
- SONG: IT'S ELECTION TIME
Halloween + Election = Comedy
- FIVE CHAMBERS OF HORROR - 2024
Pretty scary, eh, kids?
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 25.
- BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Funny fake sponsorship announcements
- A & M AUTOLAND - Free Inspection
Al and Mike try to hook you with their new offer.
- VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - BROWNIES
A sure-fire way to bring them to the polls.
- THE FRIDAY CLUSTERFLICKS
For Friday, October 18.
- PROMOS-TO-GO
Ready-to-use pre-produced bumper donuts
- A & M AUTOLAND - Two Percent Sale
Big Al never quite got the hang of fractions and decimals.
- HUBERT VAN BOUVIER FOR OFFICE - SPECIAL INTERESTS
Are you buyin' this? Now you can!
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