It’s another phone call from Pope Francis. This time, he wants to talk about the Oscars.
The script and audio is below. Better yet, use the script and have a member of your morning show play the Pope on the phone.
(Note that our Pope has a Spanish accent, because he is from South America.)
JOCK LINES ARE IN BOLD
JOCK: WE’RE GETTING A PHONE CALL HERE… LET ME GET THIS. HELLO?
(CHOIR: AHH-AHHHH, MUSIC)
POPE: BUENO! ALLO!
JOCK: WHO IS THIS?
POPE: I AM POPE FRANCIS!
JOCK: POPE! YOU CALLED BACK.
POPE: I HAD A FEW MINUTES WHILE I’M WAITING FOR MY PASSPORT TO BE RENEWED. I HAD TO FILLOUT THE PROPER PAPAL-WORK.
JOCK: PAPAL-WORK?
POPE: OH, YES. ANYWAY, I AM IN ANTICIPATION OF THE OSCARS.
JOCK: THE ACADEMY AWARDS, THIS SUNDAY NIGHT.
POPE: I WAIT WITH A WORM ON MY TONGUE.
JOCK: A WORM ON YOUR TONGUE?
POPE: HOW DO YOU SAY… BAITED BREATH.
JOCK: WHAT MOVIES DID YOU LIKE THIS YEAR?
POPE: I LIKE GRAVITY.
JOCK: YOU LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS MAROONED IN SPACE?
POPE: I LIKE SANDRA BULLOCK IN HER UNDERWEAR.
JOCK: HELLO!
POPE: HEY – HERE’S A RIDDLE: HOW IS JOHNNY DEPP NOT LIKE THE POPE?
JOCK: I DON’’T KNOW. HOW IS JOHNNY DEPP NOT LIKE THE POPE?
POPE: HE IS NOT INFALLIBLE. DID YOU SEE “THE LONE RANGER”?
JOCK: NO.
POPE: NEITHER DID ANYONE ELSE.
JOCK: DID YOU SEE “CAPTAIN PHILLIPS”? IT’S NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE.
POPE: SI, HERE’S THE THING ABOUT TOM HANKS. FIRST THEY PUT HIM ON A PLANE, HE CRASH INTO THE OCEAN, BECOME A CASTAWAY. THEN THEY PUT HIM ON A SPACESHIP, HE ALMOST CRASH INTO THE MOON. NOW THEY GIVE HIM A BOAT, IT’S TAKEN OVER BY PIRATES. I THINK YOU NEED TO KEEP TOM HANKS AWAY FROM HEAVY MACHINERY.
JOCK: THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.
POPE: AND KEEP HIM AWAY FROM MY POPEMOBILE.
JOCK: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WIN BEST PICTURE?
POPE: I’M NOT GONNA TELL YOU. YOU GOT TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, OR LIKE ME ON FAITHBOOK.
JOCK: FAITHBOOK?
POPE: SI. POKE ME.
JOCK: OK, WELL, THANKS FOR CALLING AGAIN, POPE FRANCIS.
POPE: OK, I LOVE YOU, BYE BYE.
JOCK: S’ALRIGHT?
POPE: S’ALRIGHTEOUS. (CLICK)
