Some men like doing things considered feminine. How much is too much?
1. Cooking – It’s acceptable to: Prepare and cook a meal. It’s too much if you: Routinely bake triple-layer cakes and gingerbread men.
2. Dancing – It’s acceptable to: Know how to dance well or suggest taking classes with your girlfriend. It’s too much if you: Take classes on your own. When it comes to dancing, three simple rules apply: 1) Never be the first one on the dance floor, 2) Never dance with your buddies, and 3) Never look like you’re trying too hard.
3. Discussing men’s looks – It’s acceptable to: Acknowledge that you can find certain men attractive. It’s too much if you: Discuss specifics. There’s nothing wrong with thinking Brad Pitt is handsome, but under no circumstances should you tell your buddies you think he has the best ass in Hollywood.
4. Consuming girly drinks – It’s acceptable to: Know how to prepare one or two girly drinks for your female friends. It’s too much if you: Drink them yourself.
5. Crying – It’s acceptable to: Cry during a funeral. It’s too much if you: Cry while watching Oprah or any film starring Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand. The only three times in your life it’s acceptable to cry are 1) When a relative dies, 2) When you get hit in the nuts with a softball, and 3) During the final football sequence of Rudy.
6. Grooming – It’s acceptable to: Groom yourself. It’s too much if you: Get your eyebrows plucked professionally.
7. Knowing about fashion – It’s acceptable to: Have some fashion knowledge, even about women’s fashion. It’s too much if you: Know precisely where to find Prada’s new Fuchsia Satin Evening Bag. Generally speaking, men who know information like that also know their own dress size.
8. Caring about personal hygiene – It’s acceptable to: Take a shower at least once a day. It’s too much if you: Own your own shower loofah.
9. Practicing yoga – It’s acceptable to: Take yoga classes. It’s too much if you: Insist on wearing a unitard.
10. Dieting – It’s acceptable to: Go on a diet to shed unwanted pounds. It’s too much if you: Make others suffer by stocking your fridge only with light beer.
11. Gossiping – It’s acceptable to: Exchange a few stories around the water cooler. It’s too much if you: Let the gossip veer away from the topics of sports or last night’s episode of Entourage.
12. Wearing jewelry – It’s acceptable to: Accessorize to compliment your look. It’s too much if you: Wear more jewelry than your date.
13. Hanging out with the boys – It’s acceptable to: Enjoy spending time with your buddies. It’s too much if you: Always go to the washroom in groups.
14. Being interested in women’s issues – It’s acceptable to: Take a Women’s Studies class to strategically pick up women. It’s too much if you: Are actually interested in the subject matter.
15. Shopping – It’s acceptable to: Enjoy the occasional shopping spree. It’s too much if you: Nearly faint with excitement every time you spot a shoe sale.
16. Watching chick flicks – It’s acceptable to: Enjoy Sandra Bullock. It’s too much if you: Can quote dialogue from Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
* Does this list still apply post-Brokeback-Mountain?
* How to not be a girlie man? How about how not to split an infinitive?
* Remember: If you’re riding a motorcycle never get a license.
* Also never say, “Thank God football is over so I can concentrate on “Dancing with the Stars.”
* PHONE TOPIC – Gals, what feminine thing does your guy do? Do you mind it?