MAN DOESN'T SHOW UP FOR COURT TO FIND HE'S NOT GUILTY

Jurors in Norfolk, Virginia, found Allen Cochran not guilty of trying to steal $33 in sharp cheddar from a grocery store in November 2015. But the 49-year-old Cochran didn’t show up for the verdict Friday. But Cochran had been found guilty of failing to show up for a previous court hearing, so the judge told the jurors to figure out how they wanted to punish him for not showing up twice. He could have gotten away with as little as the seven months he’d already served. Instead, they hit him with the max: five years in prison. The judge issued a warrant for his arrest, and authorities listed him as a fugitive.
* He’s Norfolked.
* On the other hand, it was an excellent sharp cheddar.
* How can 12 different people wake up super cranky on the same day?
* Maybe it was the jury duty that made them cranky.
* “Here we sit while he’s out having fun. Five years!!!”
* Too bad he didn’t take some Swiss Cheese instead. That way the case would have had some holes in it.
* And yes, sometimes I do hate myself for saying jokes like that.
* Allen seems like the perfect guy to steal some cheddar. I mean cheese and crackers do go together.
* Wait, the guy served 7 months already for this? Well, you can certainly understand why he felt it was going to be a guilty verdict.